My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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