people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
