I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
