When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
