all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
