I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
