Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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