She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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