The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think my fart just growled at me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
