You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
