I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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