I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
