11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
