An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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