if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
