I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
