But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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