You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
