My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
