Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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