btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
