We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
my god I love twenty year old dicks
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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