we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
