i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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