i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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