Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
