i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
