Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
