from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
