I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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