hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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