Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
