never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
