Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
