you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
