he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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