she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry my hands just texted you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
