Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
