i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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