I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
