I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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