Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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