I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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