I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
