can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
