apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
