This dress was meant to end up on your floor
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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