We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
