I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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