8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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