Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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