this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
