Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
