I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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