I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
