I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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