I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
