What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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