Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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