I CAN MOONWALK!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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