Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
