The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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