I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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