I hate all girls vehemently.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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