Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
