her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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