eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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