he wants to bone in the snuggie
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
