hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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