her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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